I was watching House this evening and realized that I'm a lot like him. Not the brilliant part. The my life is so pathetic, I think I'll make everyone else miserable part. After creating Recession Rants, I've been having pangs of blogger's remorse, and frequently keep thinking I should run to my computer and delete it before anyone reads it. My first two posts were incredibly whiny and I'm not sure that's the image I want to project.
But back to House. So House keeps doing obnoxious things to the people he loves and needs. Every so often he stops to ponder why on earth he does these things. But then he continues doing them. So it got me wondering why, when I get frustrated, do I feel a need to publish all of my woes and sorrows, and strike out at everyone who hasn't made an effort to help me?
Well, like House, I feel hurt and I need someone to acknowledge that fact and help me feel better. In other words, my need for empathy is not being met. But that's not really true either. Lots of people feel bad for me right now, and they say so, but unless they have a paying job to offer me, they can't really help in the way that I need help.
But in truth, no one can help another person feel better. Or at least that's what the conventional wisdom says. It's all up to you, they say. Bullshit, is what I say. We are social beings, and we depend upon our society to provide us with meaning and a sense of community worth. Just watch the movie "As Good As It Gets," to see what I'm talking about.
Jack Nicholson's character completely changes the life of Helen Hunt's character. And she, in return, changes his. The things they do for each other are things they consider to be commonplace and easily achieved. For instance, she shows up to work every day, serves him his meals, and provides him with the obsessive sense of continuity he needs--things she does without thinking, but that greatly enhance his life.
Likewise, because he is financially comfortable and has easy access to any medical care he needs, it only seems natural to him that everyone should have the same access. So when she doesn't show up for work (because she has a sick kid), thus interfering with Jack's sense of continuity, he simply gets a doctor to treat the kid and pays all of the bills--something that takes little effort on his part, but has the effect of changing her life (and her son's) dramatically.
And then there are the simple comments that brighten the day, "you make me want to be a better man," and those that destroy, "they make me put on a jacket and tie, and they let you in wearing a house dress..." It's a great movie.
But again, back to House. In the next to last scene, House drives his car into Lisa Cuddy's house where she is having dinner with friends. We discover that this is his answer to her constant requests to tell her "how he feels" about their breaking up, when, as she and her guests look on in shock at the car sitting in the dining room, House shoves his way out of the car, flashes Lisa a smug look that says, "now you know how I feel," and leaves.
So I guess my blogging is sublimating for my need to drive a car (it couldn't be mine, since I don't have one that runs anymore), into any of the sources I might believe are causing me pain at any given time. And so, the blog stays. If no one reads it, at least I'll have a record of how miserable I am right now. And if others read it, maybe it will help someone who is also struggling.
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